Daydream Believer

Do you daydream?

I spend a lot of time in my mind, pondering and dreaming. I was the kid who stared out the window in class and looked spaced out. When I’m daydreaming, I can go for lunch and a swim along the Amalfi Coast in Italy for an afternoon of Mediterranean breezes. I’ll feed the stray cats that gather on the outdoor patios at the cafes along the water and I’ll take in the sunset from a rooftop balcony. The next day, I might be back in Romania on a summer day, checking in on the kids in Baile Tusnad and going into the mountains to see the brown bears.

If you haven’t been daydreaming during this time of quarantine, I highly recommend it. I mean, realistically, it’s the only way to go anywhere at the moment. But more than bringing us into a pleasant daydream for an afternoon, our daydreams can provide incredible insight into our true desires and what might bring us towards purposeful endeavors. When I look back over the events in my life, most of them originated during the times I let my mind wander. It’s how I decided to move to California. It’s how I became a massage therapist. It’s how I decided to write my first book and daydreaming is how I eventually decided upon moving to Panama.

In addition to daydreaming, I love napping, listening to meditative cosmic music, lucid-dreaming and quiet time to observe nature. Of course, as with all things in life, we need balance. Quarantine has not been too much of a hardship for me; an introvert and writer with a love for allowing my mind to wander and wonder. Though I must say how much I appreciate running into someone I know when I’m out getting groceries. I know quarantine won’t last forever, so I’m trying to use this time to tune into my inner wisdom for guidance on what might be next.

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Lately, I’ve been having a consistent daydream for what my future might look like. While I’m not 100% sold on the logistics, there are aspects of this daydream that excite me. The part that doesn’t excite me is the commitment of my time and money. I thought I’d share the current recurring daydream, and if you have ideas or suggestions on how aspects of it can come to reality without my having to consider permanence, please let me know.

The seedling version of the daydream started when I fell in love with a house online and booked my first trip to Panama from Florida while I was on my eight month RV trip across the United States. I’d envisioned having a flexible home space where people could come host retreats, I could rent out Air Bnb rooms, family and friends could visit and I’d have plenty of land around me to satisfy my desire for an expansive natural setting to appreciate the plant and animal life.

The dream has morphed a bit since I started online-stalking properties in the Chiriqui Province, like this thirteen acre organic farm with a community center and situated on a river. When I knew I’d be moving out of San Luis Obispo, California, I envisioned having land on property where there was a river. This was a very solid vision. So it’s interesting for me to see what I’m drawn to still holds elements of the vision I had a few years ago. When these things happen, I see them as messages from my soul. When I pay attention to the quiet and steady messages from within, my choices seem to be guided almost from the future version of myself.

I’m learning that the impatient and impulsive part of myself is not connected to my deeper wisdom or purpose, but rather, it’s from the human/ego mind and not the essence of who I am as a spiritual being. This played out recently after my house in CA didn’t sell and I had to back out of the condo purchase in Gorgona. Now, I see it as a blessing for two reasons. One, the quarantine has shown me that I must be connected to the earth, not in a highrise. I lived on the 9th floor of an apartment and while I enjoyed beautiful views, I would have lost my mind had I been quarantined there. I’m blessed to have been given a house/dog sitting opportunity during quarantine where I have outdoor space. The second blessing from not purchasing the condo is that after a year of living in the Chame Province, I’ve concluded it might be too hot for me on a year-round basis. And this is why I’ve taken to cyber-stalking property in the Volcan/Boquete area.

“Hold The Vision. Trust The Process.”

Here’s the current envisioning, based on a conglomerate of all the properties I’ve been looking at:

The property is named Shangri-La and is accessed through an archway of vibrant bougainvillea bushes of magenta and white. In the area where the Teak trees have matured, I’ll have electric hookups for van campers who are traveling from North to South America and are spending time in Panama. The dorm housing will host the Workaway guests who will work on any number of projects going on in Shangri-La. The community center will be a resource that offers programs to the local community, hosts artisan markets, theatrical performances and music events like silent DJ parties.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the programs and offerings Shangri-La will have:

Butterfly garden for the lifecycle of the Blue Morpho and other species
Upcycle art classes with education on preserving natural resources/importance of not littering
Greenhouse built from plastic bottles / grow native orchids
Earthen decorative structure building classes using glass bottles
Permaculture classes - solar and wind energy workshops/projects
Transforming plastic into raw material for 3D printing projects
English and computer literacy classes for the local community
Cat sanctuary and adoption program

The property will have a communal outdoor kitchen and living area where visitors can work, socialize and cook. Throughout the property there are many places to rest in a hammock, nap on a swinging daybed or listen to the river water while reading or gazing at the lush foliage from the trees.

Sounds lovely, right? But here’s the issue; my thoughts about permanence and commitment have changed since my divorce. Where I once craved both of those things, I now have an aversion to them. The thought of committing to live in one place and have a long-term plan doesn’t hold the appeal that it once may have in my past. And I’ve learned from my past endeavors not to jump into big projects alone and without having done some future forecasting.

I’m an idea person. I’m not the logistics and operations person. At least I finally know that about myself now. There were expensive lessons along the way, like the cookie business I started shortly after I moved to San Luis Obispo. And even though I never made back my investment, that experience was rich with valuable lessons and insights into my natural skills and abilities. And spreadsheets, forecasting and planning are definitely not in my wheelhouse. In fact, full confession here, I have never created a personal budget. Ever.

While I’m enjoying the current daydream, in reality, I will move to the mountains and either find a house sit or a small house to rent. I’ll find hiking trails, meet new people, find new restaurants and take day trips to the beaches of Bocas del Toro on the Caribbean side. Perhaps I’ll find a community that fits aspects of the vision, or maybe an opportunity will present itself that provides the essence of this vision but it may look a little different. And maybe pieces of the overall dream may manifest now while some are meant to be fulfilled later in my life.

The important aspect of feeding our dreams is that they come from within the very heart and soul of us. Our dreams serve our growth and development. When we don’t listen to them, when we resist that quiet calling, that’s when we can have feelings of emptiness, overall sadness and a sense of longing in addition to anxiety, depression and feeling disconnected from others and ourselves.

When I started living from my heart and intuition, my life has blossomed. For that, I am incredibly grateful.

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