I'm Not Doing That Anymore!
Today was a good day.
I wasn’t a hermit and I emerged from the cave of feeling-sorry-for-myself thoughts. You know the comparative-itis you get when you look to the left and right instead of staying in your own lane and forging ahead?
That’s what I was doing. One of the major contributors to that was my near obsessive consumption of social media and in particular the myriad of helpful videos explaining the six simple steps to fill-in-the-blank. My fill in the blank of late is money. It has been for a long time.
My goal has been to create passive income streams from the informational products I created like my audio program on healing from heartbreak, the DailyOm course I created and of course, my books - so I could continue other work I get paid for, but isn’t really enough to live on. Over the course of the past five years I have spent thousands of dollars on courses, private mentors and books on digital marketing and have barely made any sales. That gets discouraging after a while; and very expensive. A lot of my time has been spent spinning the same hamster wheel in my attempt to crack the nut.
I’m realizing that I’m the nut! I’m the definition of insanity! Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!
Yesterday I had an enlightening conversation with a dear friend, Natalie Rhodes. She shared with me how she made a decision that she wasn’t going to repeat certain patterns now that we’re at the start of a brand new decade. That really resonated with me. I don’t want to tarnish the start of my shiny decade, either!
I’ve never been someone who has made long-range plans especially not in the past ten years. My world fell apart in 2010 and much of the past decade had been about rising from those ashes and becoming just me. Not me with overstuffed baggage from the past. Not me with clarifiers of who I used to be, but truly, authentically a whole stand-alone person.
Now I want in on this decade planning business! I’m excited and inspired. When I first envisioned moving to Panama, I saw myself running an Air bnb at the mountain house I fell in love with in Altos del Maria, a lush tropical jungle with houses nestled in verdant valleys near rivers and homes perched on top of cloud forest mountains. It’s an area of Panama that probably has every shade of green known to the planet; dark leafy growth blanketing the loamy soil, a constant budding of bright new-growth green, yellow-greens, blue-greens, you get it, Bubba Gump amounts of green.
Wild toucans and rare species of birds live in the mountains, monkeys and sloths are found in the canopy and my favorite creature, the Morpho Blue butterfly graces the shangri-la paradise with its fleeting presence. But I never got to see that dream house and I decided living in Altos would be too remote for just moving to a new country where I knew no one.
I settled into life here in Coronado a bit differently than I’d imagined. I mistakenly thought my house in California would sell quickly and I’d move into the furnished condo on the beach in Gorgona and get on with my work and continual online marketing efforts; YouTube ads, creating alternate landing pages for my free giveaway, creating videos for ads, FB ads and doing SEO research.
I’d been internally conflicted between the feeling of wanting to settle down and call somewhere home and the idea of continuing to bounce around, rent a place here and there until I could get this passive income thing finally going.
You know what? I don’t want to do that anymore! I’m tired of banging my head against the wall. Those gurus on all those videos telling you how easy it is are lying. It’s not easy. And I don’t think it’s for everyone. I’d rather spend my time writing than looking at metrics. I’d rather put a little iMovie video together than create niched-down ad campaigns for YouTube.
So I think I might be quitting all that shit.
I’ve been spending 6 out of 7 days a week in front of my computer or phone for months - but not in the activity that brings me actual joy; writing. And then I emerge for a days exploration to Las Tablas for the Polleras parade, which was incredible, or to Punta Chame where I was mesmerized by the kite surfers and got to visit with Panama Peggy of the Pink Palace.
All of these experiences and energetic recalibrations are leading me toward a decision. And since I looked online and fell head over heels for these green magic homes, I think I know what my plan is. Of course, I’m always a bit reluctant to put stuff in writing because I’ve had some wacky ideas in my life. But the ones that hang around long enough that I like to daydream about, those are the ones to pay attention to.
Before I knew I was going to sell my mobile home in San Luis Obispo, I’d had a vision of living on land with a river running through it. That was several years ago and that vision still holds a truth for me. And while I love having my time freedom, if I had a homestead of sorts, there would be other people available to help out if I got nomadic fever; though, truth be told, calling a place home has a growing appeal.
So here’s my 2020 vision:
Because I’ve been using savings money, I need to be pretty frugal for the next year or so. And, I absolutely cannot commit to going anywhere until my next book is published (though I think I’m going to break them up into three books, one will cover Thailand at the unethical elephant sanctuary, the second will be about the trip to the Dominican Republic and the boys and girls club and the third book will be about going back to Baile Tusnad, Romania). Interested in becoming a beta reader? Send me an email.
After my books are absolutely publish-ready, I’m going to do Workaway projects all around the country in Panama! It will be a great way to not only see the country and contribute, but also those experiences will be another book. And, with Workaway, your lodging is free!
Once I’ve completed that, then I can reassess. At that point I should know where I’d want to settle down, buy some land and build these awesome magic green homes and create a little Air bnb offering. In the big dream:
I have room to host van-campers and maybe even those who are rustic enough to actually tent camp.
I see writers and artists coming together, digital nomads who can find community while traveling, and I see myself hosting Workaway travelers to actually do the build on the property.
There’ll be gardens and a greenhouse made of plastic bottles (thanks Pinterest), hammocks and comfy chairs around a firepit, and I’m sure a cat or two may find their way onto the property.
Maybe I’m not a hermit afterall.
Maybe I’ve just been searching for a community of like minds. And maybe I’ll actually get to create it. If I could do half the stuff on my Pinterest board, the place will be Ahhhmazing.
Just to give you an idea of what my late night Googling consists of:
a helpful practice before you keep repeating hamster wheel behaviors, thoughts and actions; catch yourself and affirm, “I don’t do that anymore”
What do you think about my 2020 vision? Do you have a decade plan in place? How do you measure your success towards those goals? How do you keep patient while forging ahead? I’d love to hear how you’ve made life changes for yourself.
