I didn't want a divorce. It was almost the death of me. Of course there are the big losses we experience when going through a divorce but I wasn't prepared for the small things that represented the enormity of the loss of my marriage.
I share these with you to let you know you're not alone if you're standing in front of the open fridge sobbing uncontrollably as you realize he's never coming back to eat the rest of his favorite pepper jack cheese.
1) Grocery shopping
Chicken breasts became a glaring reminder we wouldn't share any more meals together. The grocery store aisles I used to enjoy exploring became an emotional minefield. I wasn't going to cook breakfast on the weekends, no more dinner parties, no more Martha Stewart-inspired Thanksgivings to plan.
I took pride in taking care of the home front. It's not popular to admit but I loved doing traditional wife stuff, even the ironing. When my role vanished it seemed like every grocery item taunted me -- you don't have your husband anymore! I didn't need to grab his favorite crackers to go with that half-wrapped cheese.
For a year I was a zombie shuffling around the store but in time the supermarket became less of a haunted house and the post-pepper jack cheese disorder resolved itself.
I was reduced to tears as I filled out the paperwork for my volunteer trip to Romania for the first Christmas I'd be without my husband in 17 years. The form asked me to name my emergency contact. I instantly felt so alone in the world like a helpless, scared and abandoned child.
Being each other's emergency contact is part of marriage; it's the security knowing your spouse will be there for you if you need them.
I felt untethered staring at those two little words.
Read more on the Huffington Post